Ghost of You
by ThisHeartItBeatsForOnlyYou
Summary: The story version of the music video by My Chemical Romance 'The Ghost of You'   Mikey and Gerard are about have joined the army and are equally excited and terrified, they meet some new friends on the way but don't realise how dangerous the war really is


**NOTE: Okay so I wrote this a very long time ago just for fun and only showed a few of my close friends, but since me and my friend made this account for our shared fic I thought I'd post it. It's basically the Ghost of You video in written form, with some of my own ideas added in it, it's a bit choppy plus the wording for the time its set in probably isn't write and I might have got the army references wrong, but I was pretty proud of this at the time and thought some people might want to read it, so...enjoy! :D**

Mikey sat and looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, he looked so different it was hard to believe, his hair was slick and plastered to his face and his suit and tie was straight and perfect; Mikey never wore a suit, not even for special occasions, and his hair was always stuck all over the place; so much so pretty much his whole family had called him the scarecrow kid since he was ten.  
>He straightened up his glasses and his tie one last time before turning and meeting his brother on the landing, Gerard was dressed the same as him, except his hair was styled artistically into an unusual quiff, whereas Mikey had just gelled it down to wherever it would stick. "You ready?" Gerard whispered, smiling a little. Mikey nodded and smiled back and they both took a breath and stepped down the stairs to where their family was waiting. Everyone was there, their mom and dad, their aunties, uncles and grandparents and they all gasped and clapped as Mikey and Gerard walked awkwardly down the stairs. The two boys stood together and allowed people to hug them, shake their hands and take millions of pictures of them "who knew going in the army would cause such a fuss" Gerard mumbled to Mikey, Mikey giggled and nodded; he and his brother had registered for the army a month before and were about to be sent away in a couple of weeks, Mikey didn't quite know how to feel- at first, he'd been excited, running home to tell his mom and having endless parties, but now, it felt as if a cold block of ice had settled in his stomach, it numbed the tingling excitement and filled Mikey with a dread he couldn't quite understand. Sure, the army could be dangerous, but it was for his country and Mikey could cope as long as he had his brother beside him.<p>

Hours later, everyone had left, leaving Mikey and Gerard exhausted- it tired them out, trying to smile and stay positive and listen to people spout rubbish all night and Mikey was grateful for the peace and quiet, he leaned his head against the back of the couch and sighed, shutting his eyes. Just as soon as Mikey was relaxed, his mom came along and started batting him and his brother with a newspaper and frowning at them "don't you fall asleep in your uniform boys" she scolded, Gerard groaned and waved her away with his hand so she hit him again "I spent hours cleaning and pressing them for you, now go to bed and fold them up neatly, if I find so much as a crease on them you can do your own washing from now on" she kissed them on the cheek as they made their way upstairs before swatting them both again and scurrying back off into the kitchen, Mikey chuckled "how are we going to cope without mom?" he said, Gerard laughed "badly, I'd say" he said. They undressed and made sure to fold their uniform up smartly side by side before pulling a shirt and pair of shorts on and crawling into bed. Gerard laid on top of the bed sheets on the bed opposite Mikey's staring blankly at the ceiling "are you afraid?" he whispered to Mikey, who sighed "yeah" he admitted "me too" Gerard answered, before blowing out the candle and drowning them in darkness "but we have each other right?" Mikey asked "always" Gerard said firmly, Mikey smiled in his big brothers direction although Gerard couldn't see, then he shut his eyes and waited for sleep to find him.

The next day Mikey enjoyed being normal for once, it was his and Gerard's day off with no training, meetings or parties, it was rare and Mikey appreciated days like this, even though he used to complain he was bored he wished he had time to be bored nowadays every now and again, he hated the stress of being busy constantly. Mikey and Gerard sat in their room, music crackling out of the battered old radio in the corner, it made the music dull and fuzzy but they had had it for years and couldn't seem to part with it. Gerard hummed quietly with the music while scrawling across his tattered old notepad, hardly pausing as he filled the page with his wobbling writing- more lyrics, Mikey assumed. Gerard spent his life in a world of his own imagination, writing, drawing or singing, everything he did, he made his own and Mikey admired him for it. Mikey laid down and shut his eyes, listening to the music and his brother humming along, rare days like this kept him sane, allowing him to collect and organise his thoughts and letting him absorb the world around him before it changed, Mikey accepted change and he was usually prepared, but this time he was diving into dark waters, he had no idea what he would have to overcome, what he would endure and frankly, it terrified him.

Gerard's voice invaded Mikey's dreams from far away, but they became closer the more awake Mikey got, he opened his eyes to find his brother looking over him. he groaned and turned over "get up" Gerard said, grinning "we need to go soon" Mikey groaned again and rolled himself out of bed, grabbing his clothes and shuffling into the bathroom. He undressed and climbed into the shower, turning the water on and letting it wash the drowsiness down his back and over his shoulders, and once he was properly awake he jumped out and dried himself off before pulling his uniform on, grabbing his tie and walking back into the bedroom, Gerard held his hand out the minute Mikey came in and Mikey handed him the tie "you're gonna need to learn to do this soon" he sighed, wrapping the tie around Mikey's neck and knotting it up "now sit down so I can do your hair, it's a mess" Mikey let himself be pushed into the chair at his desk "so is yours" Mikey retorted, looking at Gerard's black hair which was strewn all over his face "because I haven't done it yet" Gerard sighed grabbing the gel and gently smoothing Mikey's hair down until it was a bit more presentable, Gerard then did his own and said, looking a little worried "I hope we don't have to get our hair shaved, I don't think I'd suit being bald" Mikey giggled imagining him and his brother with no hair, it was unthinkable. Gerard always had long hair he avoided cutting most of the time and Mikey would just look ridiculous. They walked down the stairs and Gerard grabbed a slice of their dads toast just as he was about to take a bite, his dad growled in protest but Gerard just grinned "a fighting soldier needs his energy" he said cheerfully grabbing his jacket and passing Mikey a piece of half eaten toast "see you later!" Mikey yelled as they walked out and set off down the road.  
>The church hall was only a few feet down the road, it was old and crumbling and usually empty, but today it was full of men, most were dressed identical to Gerard and Mikey's, with their hair plastered back, perfectly crisp and smooth dull green uniforms and gleaming black boots. They all stood in little groups of threes or fours, talking quietly. Mikey and Gerard walked in side by side, instantly going quiet, Mikey had admitted to himself he was socially awkward most of the time and Gerard was just as bad, they stood in the middle staring at the floor in silence until one of the men at the front of the hall spoke; his hair was shaved and his uniform was a very dark green and covered in alot of important looking badges, his voice boomed through the hall and everybody instantly fell silent and focused on him the minute he opened his mouth. "Good morning men, you're here today because you are about to learn your regiments" he announced, as if everyone didn't already know it "listen for your name to be called then join the correct group" he unfolded a piece of paper and started barking out names, for each new regiment a new general stepped forward, each name that was called after walked over to their new general. Mikey heard his name be called, then Gerard's afterwards, he looked at his brother and they both walked to the general who was stood ramrod straight and his head raised high. Once the rest of the group approached he looked down on them and gave them a smug smile, he had to be at least five years younger than Mikey and he was pretty small but had huge muscles to compensate, his face had no wrinkles and no expression apart from the smug self importance plastered clearly across his face "the name's Baker. General Baker. Welcome to the Red Guns boys" he said in a voice that was a cheap imitation of the Sergeant, Mikey fought not to roll his eyes. General Baker gave a bullshit speech about being brothers and fighting and living together then he ordered everyone to get to know each other before walking off with two guys in the regiment, who just looked like brainless photocopies of himself. Mikey sighed and looked at his brother who was twiddling his tie nervously. Mikey and Gerard stood shoulder to shoulder and watched everyone else talk.<br>A few moments later a guy appeared, he was pretty tall and he had a cheery smile and kind eyes, his hair was plastered back like Mikey's but it was clearly long, curling brown wisps had escaped in certain place but the rest had been tied in a bobble at the nape of his neck "hey" he said, smiling at Gerard then to Mikey before holding his hand out to shake their hands in turn "I'm Ray Toro...I'm your appointed medic so...if you ever lose a limb or somethin' come talk to me" he laughed quietly at his own joke "uh...I'm Gerard Way...this is my brother Mikey" Gerard mumbled and Mikey waved obediently, giving Ray what he hoped was a kind smile "awesome" said Ray enthusiastically "nice to meet you guys" Mikey nodded and said "you too" but it came out as a weird half whisper, he cursed at himself as Ray walked away, he totally blamed his brother for both of them becoming social hermits, Mikey gave Gerard a look telling him so and Gerard smiled apologetically. After Ray had left two other guys walked over and stopped in front of Mikey and Gerard, one had short spiky blonde hair and his expression was forced into a sort of shy smile; he was quite bulky and pretty tall but that might've had something to do with the fact they guy stood next to him was so tiny, he had a kind expression and his black hair was smoothed back, except his fringe that fell forward over his eyes, Mikey could see tattoos creeping out of his shirt collar and sleeves "yo" said the little guy "I'm Frank. Frank Iero and this is Bob Bryar" the taller guy nodded in greeting and Mikey and Gerard nodded back, Mikey attempted to speak but everything sort of came out at the same time "mynamesmikeyway" he mumbled, all the words mixing together, he sighed and tried again "and this is Gee- uh Gerard" Franks mouth twitched, trying not to smile "nice to meet you mikeyway, and you Geerard" Mikey snorted a laugh and Gerard grinned a little, Frank smiled in return. "Hey are you guys-" Frank began but he was interrupted by Bob who nudged him and twitched his head to the left, Frank looked and sighed "talk to you guys later" he mumbled, they both walked off with their heads down, Mikey stared after them confused until the general and his two friends appeared, looming over Mikey and Gerard who both took an involuntary step backwards "how're you guys doing?" Baker growled with a sneer, Mikey shrugged and Gerard suddenly became fascinated by his shoes "these two guys are my wing men, Kirk and Drake" he motioned to the guys at his left and right who both folded their arms in unison. Baker stepped forward again, seriously breaking the rules of personal space "now listen here boys, you're in my team now, you follow my rules and do as I say right?" he snarled, Mikey raised one eyebrow and nodded and Gerard nodded at his feet "this is my team and you'll follow my rules" he repeated, Mikey rolled his eyes and snorted, unable to help himself, a vain in Bakers neck bulged and his eyes focused on Mikey "have you got a problem rat boy?" he spat, Mikey held his gaze and shook his head, smiling sweetly. Kirk put his hand on Bakers shoulder and pulled him back, steering him away from Mikey "what the hell are you thinking?" Gerard hissed shooting a look at Mikey "you know I hate assholes" Mikey said quietly "yeah but you'll end up with an asshole of a broken nose if you don't keep your sarcasm to yourself" Gerard squeaked, waving his hands in the air to prove his point somehow, Mikey sighed and looked at Gerard "can we go now?" he asked, Gerard rolled his eyes- he'd definitely copied that off Mikey- before grabbing Mikey's sleeve and leading him out of the hall.  
>Gerard stopped halfway down the road to have a cigarette, he lit it up and closed his eyes, sighing blissfully while taking his first drag, Gerard never smoked in the house, so when he was out with Mikey he pretty much ate at least three of them before they got home. After a while Frank and Bob appeared, they leaned against the wall next to Gerard and Mikey and Frank gave them both a smile before lighting up his own cigarette and passing the lighter to Bob who was shaking a packet out of his pocket "you don't smoke?" Frank asked Mikey, Mikey shook his head "it's pretty unhealthy" he said quietly, Frank frowned and opened his mouth to argue but he was interrupted by Gerard leaning his head against the wall, coughing ferociously while puffs of smoke burst out of his mouth, once he'd finished he cleared his throat and smiled apologetically, Mikey raised his eyebrow at them all, point proven. "Okay okay so maybe it's not one of the healthiest hobbies" Frank admitted before taking another drag "did Baker give you hell?" Bob asked quietly, Gerard nodded and Mikey shrugged "us too" Bob said "he's an asshole" Frank said with a frown, Mikey nodded enthusiastically, at least Frank agreed. They all stood for a while, someone saying something every now and again until Ray hurried over "hey guys" he said, wheezing a little from the cloud of smoke Gerard, Frank and Bob where creating, they all greeted him and Gerard politely offered him a cigarette, Ray frowned and eyed it as if it was going to eat him "I don't smoke, but thanks" he rearranged his face back into a smile and went to stand next to Mikey "what do you guys think of our group then?" he asked finally when no one said anything "you lot are cool, but Baker and his idiots are dickheads" Frank stated, everyone nodded and mumbled in agreement and Ray giggled "I'm sure they'll come round...hey are all of you coming to the leaving ball?" Ray asked, Gerard looked at Mikey then to Ray, clearly Gerard had no idea and Mikey didn't either but Frank said "sure. Me and Bob are playing there" Ray bounced a little "me too! I'm the lead guitar" Frank explained he was the second guitarist and Bob was the drummer, Ray and Frank got into a geeky conversation about chords and shit and Bob looked at Mikey and Gerard "you guys should come, it'll be good" he said quietly, Mikey nodded politely and looked at Gerard from the corner of eye who paused before nodding too.<br>They all walked down the road together, Frank and Gerard on their third cigarette, even Bob looked a little disgusted by how quickly they were hoovering them up "we need the rest of the band" Ray suddenly said frowning "does anyone know anyone who can sing...or play a instrument?" Mikey looked at his brother who was staring intently at the smoke puffing out of his nose; Gerard could sing pretty damn well in Mikey's opinion, but he only ever sang when he thought no one was around, and very rarely sang in front of Mikey. Everyone else shrugged and Ray sighed "it might just have to be a guitar and drum instrumental" he said sadly, Mikey thought about it then decided to speak up "I...um can sort of play guitar?" he mumbled, he'd been playing for years and he still wasn't much good, Ray looked up with a smile and said "can you play bass? We need a bass guitar" Mikey shrugged "not very well" he replied "close enough" Ray said happily "you're in. You'll need to come to practice and stuff" Mikey shrugged again nonchalantly but he was pretty pleased with himself, and if he was being honest with himself, he couldn't wait.

Mikey woke up early the next day, he wasn't sure why, but when he woke up he was breathing heavily and heat was pulsing through his veins; it was the dreams again, he often had dreams he couldn't quite remember, but they always scared him into conciseness. He took a few steadying breaths and looked around the dim room, Gerard's bed was empty but Mikey immediately found him in the corner of the room, sat in the old chair at his desk, huddled under a dim lamp and scribbling in his notebook "what time is it?" Mikey mumbled, rubbing his eyes. Gerard didn't look at him and his quick writing didn't pause "about five" he replied, Mikey groaned and flopped back on the pillow "why are you awake then?" he slurred, sleep was coming back to him, he could feel it pulling him back down "couldn't sleep. We need to be up in a few hours, go back to sleep, your dreams won't come back" Gerard whispered, Mikey grunted in reply and slipped into a dreamless sleep.  
>It felt like he had only been asleep for ten minutes when he felt Gerard's hand shaking his shoulder, Mikey rolled himself off the bed and stumbled to his clothes, still half asleep "what are we doing today?" he half mumbled, half growled "we've been assigned to clean up the church hall for the dance" Gerard said, he had gone back to scribbling at his desk, Mikey groaned even louder and promptly flopped himself back down on his bed face first, Gerard laughed "dude, you knew it was coming" Mikey just huffed and pressed his face closer into the duvet. An hour later Gerard had persuaded Mikey to get up, get changed and get out of the house, but Mikey made a point of grumbling all the way to the church hall; Mikey knew he was stubborn quite a lot, but he couldn't help it. They got through the doors and were immediately greeted by General Baker, smirking in their faces; he shoved a bucket full of brushes, mops and cloths at Gerard and a bucket full of water at Mikey, accidently on purpose pouring it down his shirt "off to work boys" he sneered before marching off and sitting down with a drink and a cigar "cocky asshole" Mikey mumbled scowling, Gerard nodded in agreement before steering Mikey to the stage where Frank, Ray and Bob were on their knees, scrubbing the stage "I feel like Cinderella!" Frank whined when he saw them, sitting back and wiping his forehead "and Bob and Ray are the ugly step sisters" Bob and Ray threw their brushes at him in protest and Mikey giggled. Gerard grabbed a brush and quietly snuck behind the curtain, Mikey could see him through the gap, scrubbing the huge oak and brass organ in the corner, Mikey shrugged and got down on the floor next to Ray, dunking his brush in the water and starting to scrub at the layer of dirt and dust covering the once magnificent stage.<p>

After a while, the Sergeant put a record on, it crackled to life and music started to pour out of the dusty old speakers on the ceiling, Mikey instantly recognized it, it was Gerard's favourite song, Mikey looked through the gap in the curtains and sure enough Gerard was singing and smiling to himself as he continued polishing the keys of the organ, Mikey laughed a little and Ray looked over to him, confused, Mikey motioned with his head and Ray looked through the curtain at Gerard who was totally lost in the music, singing his heart out, Mikey and Ray got up and crept to the curtain, pressing their ears to it and listening. Gerard, of course, didn't sing a note wrong, his voice was awesome, it wasn't your generically good pop singing voice, it was perfectly tuned, laid over with a scratchy and individual tone that made it special and awesome to listen to "woah...he's good" Ray whispered to Mikey before motioning for Frank and Bob to come over. Ray, Bob Frank and Mikey all stood against the curtain listening to Gerard sing until the song was over, then Frank started clapping and Gerard jumped out of his skin "shit!" he yelped, going bright red "i thought you guys were cleaning the stage" Mikey hid a smile and Gerard glared at him "when exactly where you going to tell us you're the next Sinatra?" Frank asked, raising his eyebrow, Gerard looked at his feet and mumbled the usual crap about not being able to sing, he just liked to "bullshit" Bob said and everyone nodded "you're awesome Gerard" Ray said "we could do with a singer like you for the dance?" he added hopefully, and everyone else agreed, begging Gerard to singe for them. Gerard flapped his hands and squeaked, he always did that when he knew he wasn't going to get out of something "I...I don't...I cant...ugh!" he said, a wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows, Mikey smiled smugly "so you'll sing?" Bob asked, Gerard sighed "do I have a choice?" he mumbled "nope" Frank said cheerfully "this is gonna be awesom!e" He said, going back to scrubbing the floor, Ray and Bob grinned at Gerard before getting back to work too and Mikey stood and grinned at Gerard and Gerard glared back "horrible little sod" Gerard growled, his cheeks still pink from embarrassment "love you too" Mikey giggled, going back to join the others.

Drill was later on, which Mikey hated and it was raining, which Mikey hated even more. They all had to march around soaking wet, stomping in puddles with a stuck up Sergeant full of his own self importance screaming at them until he got bored, Mikey had to fight really hard not to walk the wrong way just to piss them off. Finally, drill was over and Mikey's clothes were dripping wet, clinging to his skin and he had little droplets of water rolling off his face and hair "remind me why we do this again?" he grumbled at Gerard, who's hair was totally covering his face, he flicked it back and grabbed two towels out of his locker, he threw one to Mikey and used the other to dry his face "because, it's our duty" he said quietly, attempting to rub his hair dry, Mikey wrapped the towel around himself, shivering "it sucks" he whined, sounding like a baby "I know" Gerard said, looking at him and frowning "but it'll be over soon, and you can do what you want" Mikey sighed, stupid army, stupid rules, stupid brother who was always right, he couldn't wait for this to be over. Finally, Mikey and Gerard made it home, Mikey had to peel off his soaking wet clothes and change into whatever he found on the floor the minute he got in because he was shivering so violently it made his muscles hurt and Gerard said his lips were going blue "it's because you're too skinny" Mikey heard his mom shout to him as he walked down the stairs, she appeared out of the kitchen and handed him some soup "you need to get some proper food down you honey" Mikey rolled his eyes, but gratefully accepted the soup "I eat fine mom. And im twenty one years old, i am not a baby" he said, sitting down on the couch and blowing on the steaming bowl of soup, his mom ruffled his hair and placed a bread roll in his hands "you two are still my babies, im afraid" she said, kissing his cheek and patting Gerard's shoulder as she walked past, her face looked a little funny, the wrinkle Gerard got appearing in between her eyebrows "what's up with her?" Mikey mouthed to his brother, Gerard sighed "she's worried about us" he mouthed back, and then saluted. Oh, so she was worried about them being in the army, Mikey frowned too, if mom was worried, he should be worried, she never worried about anything unless it was appropriate. They had never really left home before and even though Mikey liked to pretend he wasn't, he was pretty scared and he could tell Gerard was too "it'll be okay" Gerard whispered, examining his own bowl of soup "I'll take care of him mom" Gerard said a little louder, looking at Mikey half smiling "we'll be okay" he said to Mikey once more, and Mikey nodded and half smiled back, he couldn't wait till all of this was over and they could go back to normality.

The next day was training again, Mikey was still just waking up and he was being forced to jog around a concrete yard, it was torture. Mikey was lost in his own thoughts, on autopilot, his feet moving on their own when someone jumped onto his back, nearly tackling him to the floor, Mikey yelled out in surprise, the person jumped off him and landed beside him, laughing hysterically "Frank! What the hell are you doing?" Mikey scolded, trying not to smile, the general barked at them both to keep moving and they jogged off together "where's Gerard?" Frank asked, he was way smaller than Mikey, but he was keeping up with him easily "gun polishing with Ray and Bob" Mikey replied, Frank rolled his eyes "who knew the army would be slave labour, i thought it'd just be shooting all the bad guys and getting all the girls" Mikey laughed and nodded, but he stopped dead when he saw who was stood across the yard, Frank crashed into his shoulder but Mikey hardly heard his protests because _she_ was stood there. Mikey hadn't seen her since college but she still made his heart stop in its tracks, he froze, trying to get his eyes to focus. His brain flashed back to last year, Allie had been Mikey's only friend at college and he'd thought she was one of the greatest people he'd ever met, they used to be together all the time, then Mikey left to go back home with plans to join the army and she went to work for her mother and he never saw her again, she turned and noticed him looking at her blankly, she gave a little awkward wave after staring at him right back, then she headed off to the Sergeant's office. "What you looking at? Oh! Hey that's the main sergeant's daughter right? Do you know her?" Mikey just nodded and kept jogging when he finally tuned in to the general screaming at them to move, he went back on to autopilot, hardly listening to Frank's ramblings, he felt a little guilty but he couldn't concentrate. After the general had got bored and allowed them to go Mikey went straight off to find Gerard, Frank tagging along behind him, he found him sat on the bench in their locker room, his expression was sympathetic when Mikey approached "you saw?" he asked, deflating down to sit next to Gerard who nodded and said "i don't understand why she's here, i thought she went to Chicago?" Mikey shook his head and looked at Gerard "she's the sergeant's daughter" Gerard gawked a little bit, then composed himself "and she's dating General Baker" Frank added, Mikey had forgotten he was there, but he was leaning against the wall by the door looking more confused "why do we care?" Mikey and Gerard both looked at each other with twin horrified expressions until Gerard finally said "well...I thought she had better taste than him" Mikey just stared, he couldn't tell if he was more bothered that he'd seen her again, that his memories were surfacing to the top of his thoughts or that she was dating that asshole Baker "I don't care anyway" Mikey heard himself say, he brought himself back to the present and set off to the door, Gerard walked beside him "I know" he said patting his back, it sucked that your brother knew whenever you were lying.

Mikey got home, banged his head against the wall a couple of times, then dropped on the bed, leaning back against the wall and hugging his knees, Gerard sat beside him, but didn't say anything, he just sat and waited for Mikey to think. Mikey shut his eyes and went back to college, he went to a separate college to his brother and he remembered being terrified, he was the awkward shy kid at the back of the class who knew all the answers but never told anyone, and the kid that sat on his own at lunch. Allie must have took pity on him, she started sitting next to him at lunchtime and the classes they had together and she was pretty cool, she was really popular and she managed a split life of being with her friends pretty much running the school, and hanging out with Mikey in the art rooms in free periods when he usually would be alone. Mikey hardly spoke to anyone, teachers claimed he was a mute, even though he never shut up when he was with Gerard and then he started speaking to Allie, she convinced him to trust her and even Gerard was shocked she had managed it but Mikey totally trusted her, everything about her was kind, even though people like her never usually looked twice at people like Mikey Way. Mikey realised a little late that he'd fallen in love with her, he didn't understand it until a week before graduation, he spent six days building up courage in his head and the day before they graduated, he finally took a deep breath and marched to her house with a drooping rose stuffed in his back pocket he'd stolen from someone's garden on the way past. When he got to Allie's house, she jumped out and hugged him, he remembered thinking maybe she felt the same too, until she told him her mom had offered her a job at the wedding business she ran that was four hours away, it was her dream and she was leaving straight after they graduated, Mikey had congratulated her, he was so happy for her because she'd done it, he told her.

He'd spent the next two days locked in his room and he didn't even bother going to graduation, and six months later he joined the army, two months after that Allie had appeared in his training yard because she was his sergeant's daughter and she was dating his idiot General.

Mikey would never understand the way life worked.

He opened his eyes and sighed "I wish I'd known earlier" he said quietly "things could've been so different" "I wish you'd known earlier too" Gerard replied, and then sighed "maybe we shouldn't have joined the army Mikey, I mean...it's not a game...and you could do so much more" Mikey sighed "it's not like we had a choice Gee, everyone pretty much had to join and it's not like you forced me" he said, staring at his brother, forcing him to make eye contact "we'll get through this, then we'll move away, me and you yeah?" Gerard smiled a little, just a little twitch at the corner of his mouth that only a few would recognize "yeah" he said quietly, then they both fell asleep sprawled across the bed together, until Mikey heard a knock at the door and his mom calling up the stairs.

Mikey and Gerard rubbed their eyes and walked downstairs, Frank was stood at the door, in his uniforms shirt and trousers, but missing the jacket and tie, Mikey could clearly see a huge scorpion tattoo resting on his neck where his collar would usually cover, it was awesome. "You guys coming out?" Frank asked grinning "we're going for a few drinks before we leave this dump" Mikey realised Ray and Bob were stood behind Frank, Ray smiling cheerfully and Bob his hat in his hands, Mikey looked to Gerard who shrugged- a positive shrug Mikey concluded, he turned back to Frank "sure" he said, grabbing his coat and passing Gerard his "why not". They all walked down the street chatting happily with each other, they'd all became pretty good friends and Mikey felt like he could trust them, which was always good and Gerard was happy to talk to them, he was always quiet, naturally but he seemed pretty comfortable, or as comfortable as Gerard could be when he was around them. They reached a crappy little bar that stunk of stale alcohol and cigarettes; music was playing under a sea of voices, laughter and clinking glasses, Mikey took a deep breath in, surrounding himself in the smell and the noise, craving its normality once again, they all took a seat at the bar and Frank had to sort of climb to get on the high seats, which everyone found hilarious and Frank really didn't "just shut up and buy me a drink" he grumbled, settling himself on the chair and trying to get the attention of the bar tender. After the sixth round everyone had lost the ability to be sensible, Mikey was quietly giggling to himself, he wasn't quite sure why, but it felt good so he allowed himself to keep laughing at anything that happened, Ray was staring at his empty glass with an expression that was pure confusion, Bob had faceplanted on the bar and Gerard and Frank were singing at the top of their voices, totally out of time to the song playing, Gerard looked totally oblivious but pretty happy, he clearly had no idea what he was doing, Mikey smiled and looked at Ray who had looked up from his glass, Ray grinned and Mikey burst out laughing, snorting embarrassingly in the process, Ray erupted into laughter and for a moment, they both were laughing uncontrollably, even Bob's shoulders were shaking with laughter while his head was still on the bar, Gerard got a bit too far into the music and started flailing his hands about, knocking both his and Frank's glass over in the process, they all burst out laughing once again, creasing over and Mikey was laughing so hard the muscles in his stomach hurt, Frank was squeaking when he tried to take a breath and thumping the bar with his fist and Gerard had fallen of his chair, still laughing like a madman. It was the best night Mikey had in a long time, he was happy, he was happy to see his brother happy and for that one night, he didn't care about what was going to happen in the future or what at happened in the past, he could forget all his troubles for once in his life with his friends and his brother and worry about it when the morning came.

Too bad the morning had to come.

The next day was another free day, they were becoming more frequent before Mikey and Gerard were sent off for months without coming home, Frank insisted they practiced their music for the dance while they had spare time and if Mikey was being honest with himself, he was pretty excited. They turned up at the hall to find Ray and Frank on stage, having a guitar battle that sounded awesome even if they were messing around, Bob was just setting up his drums and he gave them a wave as they walked in, Mikey heard Frank falter slightly and he cursed loudly, Ray laughed and took a bow "I win!" he announced. Frank scowled and kicked an amp. Mikey got his bass out and plugged it in and Gerard fiddled with his microphone nervously, Mikey walked over and patted him on the back while Frank passed the song sheet round "you know this song, right Gee?" he said, Gerard nodded and cleared his throat while everyone else took their places, Ray nodded and counted to four and they all started together; it was a little messy and out of time but they all complimented each other perfectly, Gerard kept his head down waiting for his cue and Mikey watched him as he psyched himself up. Gerard kept his head down for a while and his voice came out as good as ever but a little too quiet, Frank caught Mikey's eye and nodded, then he walked over to Gerard still playing his guitar, but he turned the volume up on it and Ray and Mikey did the same "c'mon Gee!" he yelled "you need to get louder than that!" Gerard looked horrified, he swallowed nervously and his voice belted out over the speakers, everyone was a little bit shocked, Gerard's voice sounded even better when he used it properly, it was more defined, Frank grinned triumphantly and kept playing and Mikey was grinning too, until the sergeant walked in with Allie behind him, Mikey stopped in his tracks, unable to help himself and everyone else died out too, the sergeant clapped loudly "sounding good boys, but don't stop, we only came for a visit" he boomed "we...er were just going to take a break sir" Gerard said, seeing Mikey's expression, Frank was about to protest, totally oblivious, until Ray collard him and yanked him backstage, Bob disappeared too and the sergeant summoned Gerard to talk in his office about songs for the dance. While, of course, Mikey was left alone with Allie. "Hello there, Mikey Way" she said in the same sweet voice she always had, Mikey fought to look at anything except her "hi Allie" he half whispered, he watched her feet walk closer "who knew you'd be a bass playing soldier the next time I saw you" she giggled at her own joke then went quiet "Mikey, are you mad at me?" Mikey looked up, Allie was frowning, clearly upset and Mikey melted, it wasn't her fault he had messed things up "of course not" he said, forcing a smile "it's just...weird to see you again" she smiled and nodded, then paused to think "hey Mikey-" she began but she was cut off by the door slamming and Baker marching in "there's my girl" he said, pretty much tackling Allie and sticking his tongue down her throat, Mikey itched to smack him over the head with his bass "I'm taking you out" he said to Allie, grabbing her hand and pulling her out the door "bye Mikey!" she called, blowing him a kiss like she always used to before she was pulled round the corner and out of sight, Mikey waved pathetically and watched her leave.

They practiced for a few more hours and no one mentioned Allie or Baker, which Mikey was grateful for. Once they had finished Frank and Gerard went out for a cigarette, leaving Mikey Ray and Bob to collect all their things, Mikey grabbed his bass case and stepped out of the hall, he could hear Frank and Gerard talking quietly "he just doesn't seem happy y'know? I try but I don't think I can cheer him up alone, he's just so miserable and lost" it took Mikey a few seconds to realise Gerard was talking about him; he snuck behind the wall and listened "is this all because of that girl you were telling me about?" Frank asked, his tone dripping with concern that made Mikey feel like he was three year old again, where the parents at school used to get concerned because he hadn't spoken yet, it made anger steam through his body involuntarily "I don't even know, I think it's everything...I just want him to be happy, but i don't know what to do, I don't want him to be like me" Mikey stepped out from behind the wall, he felt the anger turn into pure venom that crawled up his throat and into his voice "finished talking about me yet?" he spat, Gerard stood wide eyed and pale and Frank frowned "dude, we just don't want you to be sad" he said quietly, walking closer, Mikey stepped back "who are you to judge my life when I've known you for all of a few weeks? Do you enjoy sticking your nose into other people's business to feel better about yourself because your such a pathetic looser?" even Mikey was slightly shocked by how harsh his voice was, but he didn't intend to stop "and you" he said, turning his glare onto Gerard who looked up like a rabbit trapped in headlights "just because you finally have 'friends' for once in your life does _not_ give you a right for you to pour your heart out to them, those were secrets, _I trusted you. I_ guess i know better now" Gerard blinked a couple of times "Mikey..." he whispered, shaking his head and reaching out, his eyes were filled with tears, Mikey snorted and turned away, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking down the street with no particular direction but to get away from his brother and Frank, as he walked, his anger started to melt away, just leaving tears that fell silently from his eyes.

Mikey walked aimlessly until all the anger had totally disappeared from his body, it was dark by then so he turned on his heels and headed home, he pretty much instantly regretted everything he'd said to Frank and Gerard, but it had took him a little longer to realise Gerard was right.

He was stuck, he had no idea what to do with his life and instead of trying to do something about it he had hid himself away in the rut he was stuck in, most of the time he was numb, he lived his life and forgot about it, but every now and again something niggled in his brain, a feeling that he was missing something and Mikey never knew what. He had no calling, he was average at everything, not good enough to pursue it even if he had wanted to and everyone else around him seemed to know exactly what they wanted to do, or at least be brilliant at one thing they could use and be happy with it. Mikey was lost in a sea of people, not fortunate enough to be one of the few that stood out like bright lights in a dark sky- his brother was like that, he was amazing at so many things, but he made himself blend in because he was uncomfortable, Mikey envied his brothers talents, he wished Gerard would realise they _were_ talents. Mikey thought about Gerard's face when he had said those things to him, it was pure heartbreak. Mikey sighed and felt his eyes fill up again, he hardly ever fought with Gerard, and he felt awful about it, he hadn't meant a word he'd said, Gerard had done nothing but take care of him and be his big brother, for those few seconds Mikey had spat out his anger in the form of words and directed it at his brother, instantly becoming one of those people Mikey had hated, the people that used to throw Gerard's bag in the trash at school, or give him a black eye because they felt like it, but Mikey was worse, he was his brother and he'd purposely said the most hateful and hurtful things to him, which was worse than a punch in the face any day. He walked into the house and straight toward his and Gerard's room, swinging the door open, Gerard was sat on the bed with his knees tucked under his chin, his eyes were red and puffy and he had lines of tears down his cheeks "oh Gee, I'm so sorry" Mikey whimpered, hurrying over and sitting by his brother, putting his arms around him and hugging him "I didn't mean it, I promise" he said, he could feel his own tears falling down his cheeks once again and Gerard just shook his head "you were right, _I_ should be the one who's Mikey, I didn't think, i should've kept my mouth shut" Gerard hiccupped and Mikey sighed "I shouldn't expect you to hold onto all of my problems Gee, I just...I...you know me, I didn't mean any of it I swear" Mikey said, burrowing his face into Gerard's shoulder. "It's my job to look after you Mikey, it's the best job ever but I just hate to see you sad" Gerard whispered "I don't know what to do" Mikey sighed "me neither, but thank you Gee, I'll figure it out" he whispered back. Gerard uncurled himself from Mikey's grip and lay down on the bed, curling up in a little ball, Mikey lay down curled up too watching Gerard who nodded "_we'll_ figure it out" he corrected, before shutting his eyes and sighing "love you Gee" Mikey whispered, and Gerard smiled "love you too Mikey" he replied, Mikey fell asleep feeling a little lighter than he had before, it sounded stupid but something had clicked inside him, and something felt right again, Mikey smiled a little to himself before shutting his eyes and drifting into sleep.

Mikey woke up first in the morning to find his brother still asleep, his face was relaxed and his jaw was slack, totally off guard with no tenseness in his face, he looked peaceful so Mikey decided to leave him a little longer and get a shower, he pulled his glasses off, which were crooked from Mikey sleeping in them "shit" he hissed quietly to himself, placing them on the bookstand and planning to fix them as soon as possible since he could hardly see his own hand in front of his face without them. He went into the bathroom, showered quickly and came back into his room, doing up his shirt, Gerard was awake, fiddling with Mikey's glasses, he held them up and Mikey saw they were once again perfectly straight, Mikey grinned as Gerard handed him them "thanks" he said, pushing them up his nose and blinking his eyes back into focus, today was another training day, Mikey was actually looking forward to it, he was also eager to apologize to Frank, to see his friends and to practice for the dance afterwards, maybe _this_ was what he was supposed to do with his life.

Training passed quickly and Frank had avoided Mikey the whole time, but at the end Mikey pulled him back in the locker rooms, Frank looked at him with the same kind eyes, no judgement at all, which made Mikey feel worse "Frank...I'm sorry, I just...flipped and i needed to take it out on someone and you were there and..." Mikey trailed off and looked at his feet, he felt Frank put a hand on his shoulder, Mikey looked up and Frank was smiling "it's fine Mikey" he said calmly "i know you were pissed off and stressed to hell...and I am a nosey bastard" he added, grinning, Mikey grinned back and hugged Frank briefly before both of them headed out to find the others.

They sounded better every time they practiced a song, Mikey realised, a surge of pride going through him, it would only be for a night, but it would be awesome, Mikey could tell. Gerard was getting more confident, wavering his voice or changing the pitch at just the right places, he even started doing the stupid hand gestures he did when he was singing in his room, thinking Mikey wasn't there, Mikey had totally got the hang of playing his bass, staying in tune with Bob who played anything put in front of him without a fault every time, Ray and Frank were both just as good as each other in a totally different way, causing them to fit so well together and complimenting each other instead of cancelling each other out, they all walked out of the hall grinning and high fiving each other. Ray mentioned that they only had a few more days to practice, which made Gerard go pale with worry, Frank slapped him on the back, still grinning "quit panicking dude, we'll be fine, we're awesome" he said cheerfully "just sing like you do in practice and we'll play like we do, and we'll be amazing" Ray added, appearing beside Mikey "and stop looking so worried" Bob said, turning up next to Frank and handing Gerard his cigarette, Gerard took it gratefully and took a long drag, closing his eyes and calming himself down before handing it back to Bob, only for it to be snatched by Frank who took a drag too, Bob grumbled in protest, but Frank just grinned and puffed the cloud of smoke into Bob's face before handing him the cigarette back, Gerard laughed a little, the smoke curling out of his lips as he did, Mikey watched him relax slightly "he's going to be terrified isn't he?" Ray whispered in Mikey's ear, Mikey looked at Ray and nodded, shrugging "we can get him through it I think" Mikey whispered "he just might have a few panic attacks beforehand" Ray giggled before giving Frank, Bob and Gerard a lecture on why smoking was bad as they strolled down the street.

The next few days consisted of drills, training and practice for the dance; Mikey's feet hardly touched the ground before they had to go somewhere else to do something else, it was busy and stressful, but the good kind of busy and the good kind of stressful, Mikey even started spending his nights with Gerard, practicing, Gerard singing and experimenting with how he should sing certain lines, and Mikey perfecting his bass, practicing the tricky bits without Bob to cover him, Gerard and Mikey even made their own song, Gerard made the lyrics and Mikey made the tune, they had almost perfected it when their dad came in and scolded them for staying up so late. They both fell asleep in their beds, Gerard singing softly the new song they had created, Mikey realised his nightmares hadn't returned in a while, he smiled to himself and sunk into another dreamless sleep.

It was the morning of the dance, and Gerard was already pacing the room thinking up every possible thing that could go wrong "Gee" Mikey said, sitting on the bed and polishing his shoes "Gerard!" he said a little louder, standing up and pulling his brother to a stop "stop it. You're making me dizzy" Gerard looked at Mikey blankly, before blinking and smiling apologetically "sorry...just...you know I don't sing in front of people" Mikey rolled his eyes "but you can sing, and you're going to be awesome, so chill out" Gerard took a deep breath and massaged his temples "we better go then" he said quietly. They had to be there a few hours early to help set up the hall and their instruments, hopefully fitting one more practice in before the soldiers arrived.  
>When Mikey and Gerard arrived, Frank was balanced precariously on Bob's shoulders, and Bob was stood on a chair, wobbling dangerously "what the hell are you two doing?" Mikey called to them, Frank look down and grinned, waving frantically, panicking a little bit when he swayed too far to one side. "Frank's putting the decorations up" Bob grunted "so he decided to use me as a ladder" Gerard looked up "he's going to kill himself" he squeaked, watching Frank squirm off Bob's shoulders, abseiling down his back and jumping off the chair, landing in front of Mikey and Gerard with a smug grin "I am a ninja" he stated, taking a bow, Mikey and Gerard rolled their eyes in unison and went off to see Ray who was filling little plastic cups up with punch, humming quietly to himself "hey guys" he said as they approached, he looked up to smile for a second before going back to stacking cups, Gerard offered him a hand, leaving Mikey stood a little out of place until the sergeant appeared "Way!" he barked, beckoning Mikey forward, Mikey hurried to him, pushing up his glasses as he reached him and standing up straight "I need you to go help Allie stack the boxes in the store boy, they're in the way" he ordered, Mikey deflated, his plan to avoid Allie was clearly going to fail "yes sir" he mumbled, walking as slowly as he could to the store room.<p>

Allie was trying to reach up to the top shelf with a box of old Christmas ornaments that had been back stage for months, she wobbled slightly, tipping backwards and Mikey hurried over and put a hand on her shoulder, steadying her, she jumped and squeaked before turning and realising who it was "hey Mikey...and thanks" she said, smiling. Mikey took his hand off her shoulder and took the box out of her hands "where do you want it?" she pointed to the highest shelf and Mikey stretched onto his tiptoes, pushing it to the back of the wall "my hero" she said giggling, Mikey smiled and took another box, she pointed to another place and he obediently placed it there before grabbing another "when are you deployed?" Allie asked quietly, scribbling on a box before handing it to Mikey and pointing to the cupboard "day after tomorrow" Mikey replied, kicking the doors open and shoving the box in "oh" Allie said, sighing "I thought I'd be able to meet up with you properly before you left" she sighed again, then brightened up a little "are you going to the dance?" Mikey nodded and Allie smiled "who's the lucky girl you've asked then?" she winked playfully and Mikey chuckled "I'm in the band, me and Gee and our friends are performing all night" Allie deflated a little and Mikey frowned, why did she care? "Oh" she said again, before shrugging and passing him another box, Mikey noticed something glinting on her left finger "is...is that an engagement ring?" Mikey asked frowning, Allie looked at it, seeming just as confused as Mikey was "uhm...yeah, Harry proposed to me last night" she half whispered, looking at Mikey to check his reaction, he remained expressionless. So that was his first name, and she would be Allie Baker, it made him feel sick "congratulations" he whispered, she looked at him and smiled sadly "thank you Mikey" she whispered back. Mikey left the store as soon as possible, he couldn't handle being in there, he needed air. He rushed outside, loosening his tie and soon after Gerard followed him out and put a hand on her shoulder "she's engaged" Mikey choked "she's engaged to him" Gerard sighed sadly and rubbed Mikey's back "you don't need her Mikey" he said after a few minutes of silence "things are looking up without her right? She doesn't have to be in the equation and, hell, if she's planning to marry Baker instead of you she's probably not worth it" both Mikey and Gerard laughed humourlessly and Mikey looked up smiling at his brother "I guess so" he mumbled, straightening his tie back up and following Gerard back into the hall.

Gerard had begun pacing again, he was backstage with Mikey, Ray, Bob and Frank, Mikey could hear the hall slowly starting to fill with voices, he looked out briefly to see the boys and girls segregated, taking their seats in separate sides of the room "Gerard, you are going to pop a vein" Frank said, pulling Gerard down to sit next to him, Gerard was deathly pale and his eyes were even bigger than they usually were "I'm going to throw up" he mumbled, Frank sighed and threatened him, saying if he threw up on him he'd make him sing out there naked, before getting up and steering Gerard to the bathroom "you okay Mikey?" Ray asked, absentmindedly strumming his guitar, Mikey nodded and smiled, he felt a little nervous, excitement and fear were creeping up and down his body, making Mikey's foot tap slightly in apprehension, it was a strange combination, the eagerness to get out there and play but the reluctance to play in front of a hall of people. After a while, the sergeant's head appeared in between the curtain "not long now boys, listen for my announcement" they all nodded obediently and the sergeant frowned "where's Way and Iero?" he asked "pre show nerves" Ray explained, the sergeant huffed "he better get over them soon" he said, before disappearing again, Gerard and Frank came back just as the speakers crackled and the sergeant's voice surrounded them, giving a speech about queen and country and all that shit. Gerard still looked pale and his hands were shaking, but his face was determined "I can do this" he muttered to himself, then peeked through the curtain and squeaked in horror "I can't do this" he wailed "oh my god you are such a wimp" Mikey sighed, rolling his eyes and pushing Gerard through the curtain as the sergeant announced their names, there was a round of applause, then everything fell silent, Gerard looked back to Ray and Bob, then to Mikey and Frank, they all nodded and began to play, Gerard's head was down and Mikey could see he was holding his breath, Mikey looked to Frank helplessly, he wasn't going to sing and Mikey could tell, Frank smiled, his eyes shining, he turned his guitar up once again, like he had the first day, and the others followed his lead, Gerard turned again to look at them and Frank shot him a warning look at the same time Mikey bobbed his head four times to cue Gerard in, Gerard got the determined look again, he spun round and clutched on to the microphone, taking a deep breath and singing with all his heart, he sounded _awesome. _None of them put a note wrong and they were all perfectly in time, half way through the song, boys started to rise, walking over to the girl they'd been waiting for and asking her to dance, Mikey watched all the bodies swaying in the middle of the room, his fingers moving over the strings automatically, he noticed Allie and Baker, right in the centre, she was looking right at Mikey, she gave him a smile before Baker whisked her around to face the other way.

The dance went without a hitch, everyone danced and laughed and chatted while Mikey, Ray, Bob, Frank and Gerard all played and sang perfectly, they got another round of applause again at the end and Gerard's colour had returned to his cheeks and he was grinning, Mikey walked over and hugged him before hugging all the others, giddy with excitement "you all did so good!" he said happily, everyone nodded "too bad we can't make this a regular thing" Ray said, a little sadly "we're awesome" they all grabbed their things and stepped off the stage, planning which bar to go to celebrate. Mikey walked out with his friend either side of him, passing Baker as he left, he got to the door and heard someone call his name, he tuned and Allie was stood there, frowning sadly, Mikey smiled at her- the ghost of the grin he used to give her whenever he saw her, before turning and leaving the hall and Allie behind.

The boys drank until the early hours of the morning, and Mikey felt a little wobbly; his body felt as if it were floating, but he was still feeling awesome from the show and content again, he'd never felt like this for a long time and it felt amazing. Mikey and Frank raced each other down the deserted streets, both their arms spread out like aeroplane wings, Mikey was breathless from running and laughing at the same time, he stopped and sat heavily down on the sidewalk, everyone joining him soon after, all squishing up on the small piece of curb Mikey had chosen. "I want to stay like this forever" Mikey whined, putting his arms around Frank and Gerard who were sat either side of him, everyone laughed and nodded "yeah, me too" Ray admitted sighing, Bob huffed, nodding slowly and fishing a cigarette out of his pocket "we'll be spending the next few months together guys" Gerard said, trying to cheer them up "yeah" Frank agreed "and when we're done, we can all go drinking every night and play music in clubs and get all the girls" they all chuckled and Gerard smiled, patting Mikey's back "we can just get over this part, then we can do what we want kiddo" he said softly, Mikey smiled at him and nodded "I can't wait" he said grinning. They all set off back down the road, singing together, everyone was stood in a line, arms slung over each other's shoulders; they got louder and louder as they got further down the street until they were so loud someone opened their window and started screaming at them, Mikey creased over laughing, ending up on his ass in the middle of the road and Gerard and Bob had to half carry, half drag him back.

Mikey woke up the next morning, sprawled out on the bed fully clothed, his brain was fuzzy and his eyes squinted almost back shut again from the sun coming through the window and he groaned at he sat up and his head swam, Gerard laughed softly from the corner, he was folding up his clothes and was placing them carefully in their old battered leather suitcase, Mikey heaved himself up, shuffling over to steal Gerard's cup of coffee on the desk "what time is it?" he croaked. Gerard looked up at him, smirking in amusement "just after twelve" he said, handing Mikey a stack of clothes "choose which ones you need then give them to me, you need enough to last, don't forget" Mikey scowled and stomped to the bed, fishing through his clothes "when do we leave?" Mikey asked quietly, a wave of pure sadness washing over him, he wasn't ready to go, not yet. Gerard looked up at him with concerned eyes "six tomorrow morning, we get the boat from the docks, then another to the base" Gerard got up and sat down next to Mikey, who instantly put his head on his big brothers shoulder "we'll be back before you know it Mikey" Gerard said softly, Mikey sighed "doesn't feel like it" he mumbled, he wished he was a kid again, so he could throw a tantrum and scream and stomp his feet till his soles hurt until someone hugged him close and told him he didn't have to go, that he could stay and things would be the same, Mikey laughed a little to himself, a few months ago he would've wanted nothing more than to move away from this tiny little town, but now he felt a dread whenever he thought about it, it was like he was leaving for good and he didn't know why. Gerard sat with Mikey for a while until he sighed and got up, going back to stuffing their belongs in the case "sooner we get this done the better" he mumbled, examining two pairs of shoes, choosing which to take, he shrugged and put them both in "I hate packing" Gerard grumbled, Mikey nodded and carried his clothes over, placing them on his side of the case, he walked to the desk and collected his photos, the photo of his parents, of him and Gerard and one of himself, Ray, Frank, Bob and Gerard sat at the bar, the first time they went out they were all grinning, glazy eyed and glasses raised, Mikey smiled to himself and carried the photos over, placing them carefully in the case. Gerard and Mikey stayed pretty quiet, both of them lost in their own thoughts and sadness, it hadn't really hit either of them that they were leaving until they were suddenly faced with stuffing their lives in a tiny case. When they had finished, Mikey went downstairs and found his parents in the kitchen, both their faces creased with worry, Mikey whimpered a little, sounding like a baby, but he didn't care, he hurried over and hugged his mom, he felt her shoulders start to shake, and he realised in shock that she was crying, his mom never cried for anything "promise me you'll stay safe Mikey Way" she said, holding him arms length away, her hands on his shoulders Mikey nodded firmly "of course mom" he said quietly "I'll look after him" Gerard said from the doorway, his expression was blank, as it usually was when he thought he was going to cry, he looked at Mikey and nodded confidently, Mikey nodded back, he trusted his brother with his life and he didn't think he would cope without him there, he was the only thing that could make this trip bearable. Mikey moved over to hug his dad, who hugged him back tightly, while Mikey and Gerard's mom cried into Gerard's shoulder, Gerard's lip was quivering a little, but he looked to Mikey over their mom's shoulder and smiled a little, Mikey smiled back, clutching his dad tighter. After a while they all ended up squashed up together on the couch, chatting normally, although their mom was gripping both Mikey and Gerard's hands tight while they sat. Mikey and Gerard dragged themselves up to their room once it got late, but they didn't sleep, both of them sat on Mikey's bed opposite each other, Mikey quietly twanging at his base, and Gerard singing softly, they made a whole new other song, totally different from the one they'd made just the other day, this one was slow and sad, and Gerard sang so differently it could've been a totally different person, they scribbled down the lyrics and the chords and Gerard stuck them beside the picture of Mikey, Gerard and their parents that was hung on the wall.  
>They dozed for a few hours until the sun came up then they gathered their things in silence and once again sat with their parents until Bob honked his horn outside, Mikey opened the door to find Ray and Frank stood beside each other, looking pretty miserable and Bob was sat in the car, his head down "ready boys?" Frank asked, forcing a smile that hardly reached his ears and didn't make his eyes glint as it would usually "two seconds" Gerard asked, returning the sort of smile, Frank and Ray nodded and headed back to the car in silence, Mikey hugged his parents tight and Gerard did the same before they both looked at each other "ready?" Gerard asked, picking up his suitcase, Mikey nodded and they both climbed into Bob's car, Mikey and Gerard stared out of the window, watching their house get smaller and smaller "we'll be back soon" Gerard whispered to him, Mikey smiled and nodded before shutting his eyes and hoping for this bad dream to be over.<p>

They reached the docks and found a group of soldiers lined up on the boardwalk, with Baker and the sergeant pacing in front of them, everyone jumped out and lined up beside the other soldiers "you will be gone for six months and it will not be easy" the sergeant boomed as he paced, looking ever soldier in the eye "you've been appointed to fight in the front line at Belgium, keep your wits about you, remember your training and good luck" he saluted them all solemnly and they all returned it, faces grim, Mikey was starting to panic, this was more serious than he had ever imagined, he looked to Gerard who looked just as scared. Everyone filed on to the boat which stank of salt, stale sweat and cigarettes, Mikey felt sea sick already and they hadn't even left yet. Mikey, Ray, Bob, Frank and Gerard all shared a room, piling in and cramming themselves into their bunks, Mikey rolled into the one opposite Gerard, he laid on his back and put his hands behind his head, his sleepless night catching up to him, he sighed, exhausted from all the worry and sadness whirling around him so he shut his eyes and drifted off into a restless sleep, listening to the others talk quietly.

Mikey was woken up because of the rocking. His room was swaying from side to side; he gasped in shock and sat up, banging his head off something above him. A bunk? Mikey blinked and looked around, oh, he was on the boat, he remembered, he looked up to Gerard who was sat up drawing and he went to say something until he felt a wave of nausea overcome him, he stumbled out of his bunk and scrambled his way outside before leaning over the bar and throwing up, his stomach muscles screaming in protest and his brain swimming. He felt a hand on his back and he straightened himself up a little, still resting on the bar just in case "you all right?" Gerard asked softly, Mikey nodded and they heard a snort, Baker was stood there with a smug smile and a cigar in his hands "clearly you aren't cut out for this rat boy" he sneered at Mikey, Gerard sighed and put his arms around Mikey, pushing him to their room before Mikey could reply.

Frank, Ray, Mikey, Bob and Gerard spent most of their time in their room, talking quietly or sleeping or in Gerard's case, writing and drawing, it kept Mikey sane, being with his friends and his brother in their little bubble of semi-normality, it felt as close to home as they could be. They never spoke of where they were going or what they had left behind which helped alot. "Seriously guys, when we get out of this we should start a band" Frank said, passing his cigarette down to Gerard in the bunk below who took it and kept it in the corner of his mouth until he had finished what he was writing, then he took a long drag and passed it back up to Frank "could do" he said thoughtfully "hell yes!" Ray said enthusiastically, Bob nodded and Mikey smiled, it would be so cool, living their life playing music, pretty much impossible, but it was a good dream "you guys are crazy" he laughed "we'd never make enough money to survive" Frank shrugged and nodded admittedly "but it would be worth it" Mikey smiled wider, letting his eyes shut, imagining a life of travelling, playing in scruffy, smoky bars every night and sitting up till the early mornings, creating music and drinking beer, he nodded to himself grinning, then opened his eyes and looked at Gerard, who's eyes hadn't left his sketchbook but he was smiling, his eyes bright, he could obviously see the same thing.

After a few days, the boat stopped for the captains to swap over, Mikey walked out into the sun and squinted, stretching his muscles gratefully, Frank, Ray, Bob and Gerard appeared beside him and they made a beeline for the nearest bar. Mikey sat by the window and took a swig of his beer, staring out at the boat and dreading getting back on, he got up, squeezing past Ray and heading for the bathroom when someone slammed into him with so much force he was knocked to the floor, spilling the contents of his beer on himself, he looked up to see Baker sneering down at him "better watch where you're going, rat boy" he spat. That was when Mikey lost it, everything was going fine but Baker had to ruin it every time, he stood up and stood right in front of Baker, Mikey was a little taller so he pressed up to Baker's chest and stared him down "what" Mikey hissed "is your problem?" Baker raised an eyebrow and grinned "I've been waiting for you to snap, Way, you think you can do all lovey dovey eyes at my girl and expect her to leave me for you?" he sneered and added "she is mine. She belongs to me" Mikey could feel rage steaming through him, he laughed bitterly "she's only with you because you're rich and to please her daddy" it was Bakers' turn to flip, he fisted his hands into Mikey's shirt, slamming him into the wall, suddenly, Frank and Bob were by Mikey's side with Gerard and Ray close behind them "back off Baker" Frank growled threateningly, but Baker ignored him, bringing his face right up to Mikey's "you need to learn some manners, soldier" he hissed, he let Mikey go and spun on his heel. Mikey stayed against the wall, trying to calm himself but Baker suddenly swung round, his fist connecting with Mikey's jaw before he could even blink, Mikey fell to the floor and Gerard fell down beside him, pulling Mikey's head up and examining his mouth, Mikey watched Frank rugby tackle Baker before straddling him and punching him repeatedly in the face "oh crap" Gerard said, jumping up and helping Ray and Bob haul Frank off who looked pretty scary when he was pissed "I don't care who the hell you are!" he yelled "you don't touch my friends!" Gerard and Ray had a hand over both his shoulders and Gerard was hissing things in his ear, attempting to calm him down. Bob walked over and helped Mikey up "you okay?" he asked, Mikey nodded and rotated his jaw, wincing a little, he walked past Baker who was still on the floor, bewildered with a bust lip, Mikey kicked him in the side hard as he walked past "I give you three months until she gets the common sense to leave you" he hissed before grinning at Frank and slinging his arm over his shoulder, walking out and back onto the boat.

"Right, so maybe Baker disliked us a little before,I'm guessing he really hates us now" Gerard mumbled into his hands "he's going to have it in for us this whole trip y'know" Bob added "all because someone couldn't keep their temper" Ray finished, glaring at Frank who snorted "you all know you wanted to give him a smack in the face too" he said, they all mumbled a little in admittance "yeah but no one was stupid enough to, what is his problem with you Mikey?" Gerard said and Mikey shrugged "I don't even know him, probably because he needs someone to let his anger out on and I know his fiancée" Gerard scowled "I'd love to give him more than a punch in the face, he is such a egotistical, selfish, vain...wanker!" Gerard half yelled, then put his head down blushing, everyone laughed in surprise "wow Gee..." Mikey said, laughing "didn't know you had that in you" Gerard smiled shyly and shrugged "was i wrong?" there was a very strong no from everyone and they all laughed some more "we're just going to have to deal with him while we're here" Ray said frowning "and punch his lights out if he goes too far" Frank suggested, no one objected and Frank grinned at Mikey, god his friend's were awesome.

After a few more days of being trapped in their little smoke filled room, living in their bunks and keeping their sanity by talking to each other, they finally reached their destination, or so Mikey thought until they were lined up to get back on another boat "aw no way!" Mikey whined, everyone groaned until the sergeant silenced them and told them the boat would take them straight into the battle "be ready men" he boomed, everyone straightened up and Mikey looked either side of him, every soldier looked worried, even Frank and Bob had worried frowns on their faces, Ray was fidgeting and his lip was wobbling and Gerard was chewing anxiously on his fingers. Mikey gulped and forced himself to breathe, this was what he came for after all.  
>Everyone shuffled onto the boat and Mikey watched the doors shut them in, his knees felt weak and his brain hurt "oh god" he whispered to himself, Gerard squeezed his shoulder "it'll be over soon" he whispered, Mikey nodded and shut his eyes, wishing for it to be over quicker than soon.<p>

The boat had an open top, the sides only just going above Mikey's waist; it was pretty small, with no partitions and had hardly enough room to fit everyone in it. Some soldiers had sat on the rotten wood plank benches that were fixed to the boat floor in random places, others were stood, shuffling or fidgeting on the spot. Ray, Frank, Mikey and Gerard all squashed up on one seat, Ray started mumbling to himself, head down, Mikey tilted his head and listened, he was praying, Mikey realised, whispering questions, blessings and requests, Mikey smiled slightly and blocked Ray out, allowing him to finish his prayer in peace, he looked to Bob, who stood, staring at the sea, but not focusing, Gerard was still chewing on his fingers and Mikey wondered how he hadn't made it to the bone yet. Frank was sat with his head down, twirling the necklace he always had on around his fingers, it was small and simple, a silver chain with a tiny cross on it, but Mikey had never seen him without it. Frank brushed it over his knuckles and brought it to his mouth, kissing it, then clutching it in his fist and letting his mouth hover over his wedding ring, he shut his eyes and sighed "you're married?" Mikey asked Frank with surprise, Frank didn't look up, but he chuckled quietly "you seem so shocked" he mumbled, smiling "well...just...you don't seem like the type to..." Mikey paused, Frank was probably the most careless and free out of all of them, but now he thought about it, Frank had another side to him; he always took care of the others and could be really responsible when he wanted to "settle down" Gerard finished for Mikey, leaving his fingers for a second to speak "how long have you been married?" Frank kept his eyes on his ring for a second before looking up "few weeks" he answered, grinning "I...I never had the courage before, then when i found out i was doing this, I proposed. Little late huh?" he said, smiling sadly, Ray patted his back and they fell back into silence, the waves smacking against the boat rhythmically making the only noise. The boat ride was longer than expected, and they all remained silent, lost in their own worries and thoughts, Gerard was still violently chewing on his nails and Mikey could see a thin line of blood trickling down to his knuckles, Mikey sighed and grabbed Gerard's arm, pulling his hand down and clutching onto his brother's wrist, feeling his pulse beat unsteadily from fear. He used to do this when he was a kid, he never saw the point in holding hands, but whenever either of them were scared one of the boys would clutch onto his brother's wrist, just to know they were there and they weren't alone. Gerard relaxed a little and Mikey sighed, he looked up to his brother out of the corner of his eye and smiled slightly, Gerard smiled back, flexing his fingers.

The boat began to slow and ended up a few metres from the shore, bobbing over the waves instead of fighting them "right men" Baker said as he walked over, his voice was strained and weak, even he was worried, Mikey clutched onto Gerard's wrist tighter "this is where we get off, the minute we step foot off this boat, we are into battle, we have to run to shore, the boat can't get any closer without it being dangerous, stay together, keep your guns with you and get into the trenches on the other side of the beach" Baker put his head down and breathed slowly a few times "are we ready?" everyone had gone deathly silent and tense, Mikey could feel it around him, the fear of every single person in that boat, he shuffled a little closer to his brother, he had never felt so afraid or so small in his life; this was too big for him, he wanted to be home, with his brother, his friends and not running into a battlefield, not knowing the outcome. He shut his eyes tight, pushing the tears back down his throat and when he opened them; Gerard was looking down at him, his own eyes shining with tears "you're too young for this" he whispered, almost hardly making a noise, Mikey shook his head and forced a smile "I can do this" he whispered back, he looked to all his friends, who each met his eyes and nodded, Mikey released Gerard's wrist just as the doors fell open, crashing into the water.

Mikey was immediately shoved forward by a sea of bodies, being knocked about from shoulder to shoulder, lost in the waves of frantic soldiers, he couldn't see his friends or Gerard anywhere but he couldn't look back. He splashed awkwardly into the water, it reached up to the middle of his shin and it was so cold Mikey's breath caught, he sloshed forward in slow motion, struggling through the water, half running and half being pushed by the men behind him. He finally reached the beach and was met by huge booming crashes, explosions of wet sand and the yelling of terrified soldiers, he fell to the side, crawling across the ground and pulling himself behind something, he had no idea what it was, but nothing could reach him for now. He looked around, attempting to breathe, some men were also hidden, clinging to their shelter, some were crying, men older than him had tears speeding down their faces and some where already on the floor, not moving, not breathing._ Oh god_, Mikey thought,_ this is real, this is so wrong_, he heard the loud short bangs of guns being fired repeatedly, skimming the sand or even hitting their targets- Mikey's comrades. He yelped involuntarily and clutched his gun, where was everyone? Mikey prayed to god everyone was safe, he shut his eyes and listened, but he couldn't separate one noise from another, bullets, explosions, screams and calls, filled the air, deafening and horrifying in their own way. Mikey jumped as someone fell down near where he sat, they were laid on the ground strangely, their limbs twisted, Mikey pushed his glasses up and looked closer "oh god" he whispered, blinking back his tears and scrambling away, realising the man was dead. Mikey suddenly felt a wave of anger collide with his fear, this shouldn't be happening, people shouldn't be dying for this, Mikey pushed his glasses up again and took a few deep breaths, if they were brave enough to do this, he was. He rocked a little before hauling himself up, clutching his gun and sprinting forwards, he could see Gerard, Bob and Frank waving frantically at him from the safety of the trench, Mikey pushed his legs faster, running away from the noise and the bullets, he was almost there, so close when Mikey felt something smack hard into his shoulder with so much force it made him loose his breath. His knees buckled and he fell to the ground, lying helplessly in the sand, he looked to his shoulder to see a gaping bloody hole, with deep red liquid throbbing out of it every time Mikey's heart beat boomed deafeningly loud in his ears; that was when he felt the pain, a searing, burning pain slicing through his shoulder, up to his neck and down to his arm, Mikey cried out, squeezing his eyes tight shut, feeling a few warm tears escape down his face and begging for the pain to stop. Ray fell down by Mikey's side, his face was crumpled "it's okay Mikey, I can help, it's okay" he chanted, fumbling around in his pockets, Mikey squirmed and convulsed with every stabbing pain, everything was burning, his heart, his limbs, his ears, the explosions erupting around him made him quiver, quickly followed by another shooting pain. _Please just make it stop_, he thought desperately, digging his fingers into the wet sand, and grimacing. Gee. Where was Gerard? He should be here; he always had a solution to stuff like this. Black dots danced in Mikey's eyes and a cold fear grew in his stomach "Gee!" he shrieked, rocking from side to side, why would the pain not go away? Mikey heard his brother call, he tilted his head and rolled his eyes right back to see a blurry Gerard waving frantically and trying to get over the bunker, but he was trapped and suddenly Mikey was glad, Gerard was safe and he would figure something out, Mikey exhaled and felt a warm liquid trickle out of his mouth and down his jaw, he gurgled and choked on it, the black spots were getting bigger and Mikey could hardly see Ray leaned over him, or the beach around him. Mikey blinked and his eyes protested when he ordered them to open again, he was exhausted. The pain started to ebb away and Mikey was grateful for the peace, the noises around him started to grow quieter, even Ray's panicked voice became muffled, Mikey squirmed a little more before going limp and giving in to the force that pushed him downwards, Mikey's eyes flashed white, silhouettes of faces appearing, his parents, his friends and Gerard, Mikey heard Gerard call his name through the silence; the only thing Mikey heard loud and clear, he sounded terrified "I'm okay Gee, I feel better now" Mikey tried to say, but it came out as a choking wet gurgle. Mikey blinked once more, feeling his heart gently slow and his lungs deflate, he allowed the air to escape from his mouth and he rolled his eyes back, letting the darkness claim him.

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Gerard saw the light disappear from Mikey's eyes, then went totally still. That was his baby brother. Gerard cried out helplessly again and was pulled backwards by something "I'm so sorry Gerard" Frank sobbed into Gerard's ear, why was he crying? His life wasn't falling apart.  
>This couldn't be happening. It couldn't. Gerard shut his eyes tight, when he opened his eyes he'd be away from here, just him and Mikey like before, but he opened them and he was still there, surrounded by the gunshots and the dying people. "No no no no" Gerard whispered repeatedly, shaking his head, Mikey was just a kid, he was so young, he had so much more to do, this could not be happening. Everything around Gerard blurred, apart from Mikey, laid there, his eyes still open, but they were empty, there was no life in them. No life. No, Mikey couldn't be dead, soon he'd wake up, or he'd wake Gerard up from this nightmare. Gerard stared at Mikey and prayed, he never prayed, but he shut his eyes and begged to God Mikey would wake up.<p>

But he didn't

Gerard somehow ended up in a small dingy room, it smelt bad and the bunks were tiny but Gerard hardly realised, he sat on his bed and counted the cracks on the tile walls, he didn't realise he was crying until someone passed him a tissue, Gerard looked up and Ray was standing over him, his own eyes wet and red, he opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again "why didn't you help him?" Gerard whispered, staring back at the cracks, Ray made a shocked noise "I...I...Gerard...I tried, he was too far gone, it was too bad" he said quietly, Gerard looked back up at him, keeping his face blank "but it was your job, your only job and-" Gerard could feel the tears soak his cheeks again "you let him die" he yelled, balling his hands into fists, Ray started crying too, silent tears running down his face "I'm so sorry" he whispered, before walking back over to the others. Gerard felt a little guilty as Ray walked away; shoulders hunched sadly, but why should he? No one hurt as much as he did right now, no one had felt anything like this. People walked past him, sometimes mumbling condolences to him, some patting him on the back, trying to be reassuring, he didn't want their pity, it wasn't going to bring his brother back.

When the lights went out and everyone was sleeping Gerard curled himself up and allowed the pure despair to overwhelm him, no matter how long he cried his tears kept on falling and his heart kept on aching. He felt his bed sink with the weight of someone else sitting on it and he peeked through his hands to see Frank and Ray sat silently beside each other, looking at him with sad eyes "what?" Gerard mumbled, wiping his face and trying to compose himself "how are you feeling?" Ray asked softly, Gerard saw Bob sat on the bed opposite his own; Gerard sighed and shut his eyes "how do you think im feeling?" he whispered "my brothers...he's..." Gerard's voice wavered, he couldn't say it, if he said it, it would be true "he's gone" Gerard finished, looking at his fingers, they were red and sore from biting them so much. The door swung open and the light flicked on, filling the room with a blinding white light, Gerard squinted and the others groaned, Baker marched in, his usual smirk wiped from his face "you need to go home Way, you're in shock. Talk to your parents, arrange...funerals and stuff" he mumbled, his head was down and his shoulders were slumped, Gerard felt his sadness become replaced with anger, Gerard needed someone to blame, someone to get mad at; he shouldn't have been mean to Ray, but Baker was a good target, he had always been so horrible to Mikey, he'd made his life hell "bet you're glad you got rid of him" Gerard spat looking up at Baker who looked up too, his face was pale and sad but when he looked up to Gerard he looked shocked "what? No! I didn't wish anyone dead" his face crumpled and his eyes filled with tears "all those men..." he whispered to himself, shutting his eyes before collecting himself and looking up "a plane will collect you in the morning and get you home as soon as possible" he said curtly, before nodding once and walking back out.

Everything passed in a blur for the next couple of days, somehow Gerard had his suitcase packed and ended up on a plane, he'd never been on one before but he didn't much care for it. Mikey would've loved it, he always wished to be on a plane, he said it made you see the world better, clearer, so Gerard spent the whole journey staring out of the window, watching the green fields, the grey roads, the tiny buildings, so insignificant from up high, it would be good to draw, but better if Mikey could've seen it.

Gerard finally got back to his house, exhausted and deflated, his face felt contorted and wrong from the tears that had gauged his face so frequently. He stood at the door, frozen in place and grabbed his wrist with one hand, shutting his eyes "Mikey" he whispered, Mikey should be here, they should be happy, getting back home to his parents, but he felt empty and wrong, even when his mom opened the door and pulled him into a hug, it was wrong, she should be happy, not sobbing and she should've hugged Mikey first because she always would when they came in together. Gerard's father didn't even approach him, he stood against the wall, looking almost as lost and confused as Gerard, long past the tears, just empty. He made it to his room and collapsed on Mikey's bed, breathing in the smell of hair gel and the disgusting aftershave Mikey insisted on using even though Gerard told him it was horrible all the time. He pressed his face into Mikey's pillow and cried himself to sleep, begging for this to be over.

Gerard didn't want to be at Mikey's funeral. They both decided, when they were younger, after their grandfather died, that funerals were pointless, just watching other people be miserable was not their idea of fun. So Gerard waited in the car until it was over, then he slowly walked out to say his last goodbyes to Mikey.

The place was almost empty, just a few people who had stayed behind, as Gerard walked past them towards his parents, they gave him pitying smiles, before turning and whispering to each other, Gerard flipped them off before walking over to his mother. "He's through there honey" she said, pointing to some curtains that led into a little room "we'll give you some time" she said, as she walked away with Gerard's dad. Gerard took a deep breath and walked through the curtains, drawing them shut behind him, there was a long oak table, with a white cloth over it and sitting on top was a coffin, _his_ coffin. It was perfectly polished and coated in flowers and messages, Gerard took another breath and forced his feet to move, the top was open and Gerard peeked over, Mikey was there, his eyes were shut and he looked more peaceful when Gerard had saw him last, his face was no longer contorted in pain, it was relaxed and slack, but he was cold, Gerard could feel it radiating from him, and his chest wasn't moving, Gerard leaned his elbows on the table and stared at his little brother "please Mikey..." he whispered, his voice shaking "please don't leave me here on my own" Gerard watched a tear drop off his cheek and soak into the white cloth on the table "it was just me and you brother, me and you against the world...and then you...you" Gerard put his head in his hands and sobbed. "It should've been me" he wailed, no one could see him, he didn't need to pretend he wasn't dead inside, he wished for the hundredth time it was him who had been shot, maybe he could've survived it, but anyone, anyone but Mikey, Mikey deserved to live, he was just a baby "I'm so sorry i wasn't there to protect you, I got lost in the people and I...I thought you were there...then i saw you and..."Gerard attempted to compose himself, wiping his tears and pulling some things out of his pocket "i brought you these" he said, placing Mikey's bass pick, a piece of paper, the photos of their parents and the photo of Frank,Ray,Bob,Gerard and Mikey. He place the photos carefully beside Mikey, tucked in between the lace of the coffin and Mikey's ribs, the then unfolded the piece of paper and looked at it sadly, it was the song they had written the day before they were about to leave, it was one of the best things they had ever done, but Gerard couldn't even look at it without his heart aching in protest, his breath wavered as he folded it back up, took the bass pick, and carefully opened Mikey's hands, placing the paper and the pick inside them before closing them back up into the fists they were in and holding on a little longer around his wrists. No pulse. Gerard felt the tears return, Mikey was so cold, why didn't he have a jacket or something? Gerard clutched a little longer to Mikey's rigid hands and pulseless wrist before wiping his tears away that had dropped on Mikey's face, he straightened himself up "I love you, little brother" he whispered, before looking at Mikey one more time and walking back out through the curtains, leaving his brother alone for the first time in his life.

**Hope you guys enjoyed it, thank you for taking the time to read it and please feel free to comment and let me know what you think! xo**


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